A Gigantic Prayer
This is a perfect moment. It’s a perfect moment because I have been inspired to say a gigantic prayer.
I have been roused to unleash a divinely greedy, apocalyptically healing prayer for each and every one of us — even those of us who don’t believe in the power of prayer.
And so I’m starting to pray right now to the God of Gods . . . to the God beyond all Gods . . .
to the Girlfriend of God . . . the Teacher of God . . . the Goddess who invented God.
DEAR GODDESS, you who always answer our very best questions, even if we ignore you:
Please be here with us right now. Come inside us with your sly slippery slaphappy mojo.
Invade us with your silky succulent salty sweet haha.
Hear with our ears, Goddess. Breathe with our lungs. See through our eyes.
DEAR GODDESS, you who never kill but only change:
I pray that my exuberant, suave, and accidental words will move you to shower ferocious blessings down on everyone who hears this prayer.
I pray that you will give us what we don’t even know we need—not just the boons we think we want but everything we’ve always been afraid to even imagine or ask for.
DEAR GODDESS, you wealthy anarchist burning heaven to the ground:
Use your brash magic to help us see that we are completely different from what we have been led to believe and more exciting than we can possibly imagine.
Help us to become disciplined enough to go crazy in the name of creation, not destruction.
Teach us to know the difference between oppressive self-control and liberating self-control.
Awaken in us the power to do the half-right thing when it is impossible to do the totally right thing.
And arouse the Wild Woman within us — even if we’re men.
O GODDESS, you who give us so much love and pain mixed together that our morality is always on the verge of collapsing:
I beg you to cast a boisterous love spell that will nullify all the bad ideas and dumb decisions that have cursed all of us wise and sexy virtuosos.
Remove, banish, annihilate, and laugh into oblivion any jinx that clings to us, no matter how long we have suffered from it, and even if we are addicted to its ugly companionship.
Conjure an aura of protection around us so we get an early warning if we’re ever at risk of bringing another curse into our lives in the future.
DEAR GODDESS, you universal virus with no opinion
Give us bigger, better, more original sins and wilder, wetter, more interesting problems.
Help us learn the difference between stupid suffering and smart suffering
Provoke us to give away all the things we own that encourage us to believe we are better than anyone else.
Brainwash us with your compassion so that we never love our own freedom more than anyone else’s freedom
Make it illegal, immoral, irrelevant, unpatriotic, and totally tasteless for us to be in love with anyone who is no good for us.
DEAR GODDESS, you psychedelic mushroom cloud at the center of all our brains
Give us license to bend or even break all rules, laws, and traditions that alienate us from the riotously tender, hauntingly reassuring, orgiastically sacred feeling of your presence in our soft warm animal bodies.
Show us how to purge the wishy-washy wishes that distract us from our daring, dramatic, divine desires.
And teach us that we can have anything we want
if we will just ask for it in an unselfish way
DEAR GODDESS, you riotously tender, hauntingly reassuring, orgiastically sacred feeling that is even now flowing through all of our soft warm animal bodies.
Help us to be just like you — extravagantly disciplined, shockingly friendly, fanatically balanced, paradoxically truthful, and ferociously tender
more power to you
We are free